In 2022, I didn’t post many blogs because I experienced burnout and felt drained of energy for my passion. I also didn’t want to share my life or activities online because I felt exhausted by life in general, so I went on hiatus. The real reason for my absence was heartbreak in March 2022, not from family or friends, but from a community that had become my spiritual foundation. After being a member for four years, I realized that it was a cult, which was difficult to accept at the time. Eventually, I took the time to reflect and decided to leave.
I mentioned that it was a cult because I saw the signs mentioned in the TED-Ed and 7 Red Flags of an Unhealthy Church or Fake Community videos.
During that emotional time, I watched the “Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey” documentary and noticed several similarities with my experience, which was both scary and comforting. While listening to SaharaRose’s podcast, I realized that it has been almost one year since I left the community, which was like a divorce from a spouse. Despite the heartbreak, leaving the community became a catalyst for my spiritual and personal growth. I am grateful for all of the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. In one year, I have transformed in ways I never thought possible, and I am falling in love with who I am becoming. I am also more connected to my friends and family and have been able to travel and reconnect with nature.
During the heartbreak, I felt alone in my experience and worried that I was a sinner going to hell. It took time to process those overwhelming emotions, but I eventually realized that we all move forward and that I am not alone in my sentiments. Therefore, I am sharing what I learned from SaharaRose’s podcast about healing from heartbreak in a step-by-step approach, which I found to be effective because I also did all of these.
1. It’s important to avoid getting stuck in the past and to keep moving forward.
Initially, I regretted not paying attention to the red flags. I wished I had left earlier and listened to others who warned me, so I wouldn’t have been so biased. I had a lot of “what ifs” which made it harder for me to move on. However, I came across the concept of Sunk Cost Fallacy which helped me understand that sometimes it’s better to let go even if I’ve invested a lot of time and effort.
After being a member for four years, I realized that I was mature enough to recognize the red flags and that I also enjoyed my time there. Although there were events that I could no longer tolerate, I am grateful for what happened because I was able to overcome it. I now understand that all problems are temporary and that life will always move forward. It’s best to focus on the present and not dwell on the past or worry too much about the future.
2. Pattern Interrupt
According to her, it’s important to interrupt the pattern, so we need to reconnect with our true friends. In my case, instead of sulking and scrolling through social media, I reached out to my friends and told them what happened. We went on trips, and hikes, and ate out. It can be exhausting for mental health, so I preferred to tire myself out physically. We also reconnected with nature and even went forest bathing.
I donated my old clothes to my cousins to remove the memories of my old fashion style. I needed to buy new clothes to interrupt the pattern. It’s essential to eliminate the reminders. I also unfriended and blocked people from the community because I still felt anxious that they would judge me for changing. To protect my mental peace and stop thinking they might be stalking me, I blocked them and left the group chats.
3. Allow your old self to fully die (not literally)
I allowed myself to undergo a complete transformation without ulterior motives, which is why I’ve become a new version of myself. As I mentioned in the pattern interrupt, I got rid of everything that reminded me of my old self. I just thought that the old version of me no longer existed, and that gave rise to a new version of myself. My fashion style, hairstyle, and beliefs have all changed. Every aspect of my life has shifted because the older version of me no longer exists, which created space for my rebirth. As they say, “We cannot be anything without the contrast we need.” It took some time for me to realize that my old self is gone, and in that process, I revisited my inner child and asked “What do I really want and what is my true personality?”, “What are the dreams that I had before, which were not hindered by any cult beliefs?”
4. Journaling
Journaling is a powerful tool for processing your thoughts, plans, and dreams. When you’re going through a difficult time, writing down your emotions and experiences can help you to heal and gain clarity. Even when the pain is still raw, taking the time to put your thoughts onto paper can be incredibly therapeutic.
5. Surround yourself with people you love.
During the first few days after my heartbreak, I isolated myself, thinking that my family wouldn’t understand what I was going through. However, I eventually reached a breaking point and confided in my parents, who offered me comfort and wisdom. I also spoke to some of my high school friends and discovered that many others have been through similar experiences. I even found a supportive subreddit where I could share my story and connect with others. It’s important to remember that we don’t have to go through difficult times alone. When we open up to loved ones and seek support from others, we can learn and grow from our experiences.
6. You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
Heartbreak is a painful experience that can be difficult to overcome, but it is possible to heal and move on. To start the healing process, it’s important to accept the situation and allow yourself to feel your emotions. It’s okay to cry and be sad, and it’s important to have a solid support system to help you through it. Engaging in self-care activities like exercise, journaling, and spending time with loved ones can also be helpful.
It’s important to remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out right away. Take things one day at a time and don’t rush the process. It’s also important to surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Although healing from heartbreak can be a long journey, it can also be an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to love yourself more deeply. Remember that you are not alone in your struggle, and take care of yourself always.
Listen to her podcast:
At this time, I cannot guarantee to regularly post more blogs because I am a graduating student (yay!) and have a busy schedule. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
